Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Start of Something New...

I am currently in the midst of a great existential crisis.

For the record, my life is amazing. I have signed and returned my contract, meaning that I am officially the Government Documents Librarian at Grand Valley State University. It is about as close to my dream job as I could ever imagine getting right out of school and on top of it, the position is tenure track faculty. Wow. Also, I currently have a relocation professional finding me an apartment in Grand Rapids. Did I mention that this relocation service is being paid for by my institution? Life is amazing!

But back to my crisis. How, you might be asking yourself, can she be having an existential crisis when everything is going so well? Her life is awesome! And you know what - you would be right. Life is excellent. But could it be too good?

There was just a post on one of my higher-ed blogs (I don't know which one or I would link) about feeling like an impostor. And I realized - that is exactly my problem. I feel like at any moment someone somewhere will realize that I was never meant to be in this position, I'm not qualified for this job! I'm not even qualified for my diplomas!

For the record, I do know that I am qualified. I know that I will thrive in this environment with these people. But it doesn't change the fact that somehow I am turning into a real life grownup with responsibilities, a car payment, and an actual date for my tenure decision. (You have no idea how scary it was to read that part...even if it is 7 years away, it's still terrifying.)

It's like this xkcd cartoon. Except instead of batman, it's something else. Case in point - the title to this post is a reference to High School Musical...and I didn't even do it on purpose.


Teacher-Librarian 09 said...

I was going to say hey isn't that a song lol. So where in the world are you now? If you want a good excel sheet to help you with your budget let me know I have an awesome one I found online. Budgets are tough but you can do it. Just love every minute of your job and have fun.

Marisa said...

You are qualified! Don't think otherwise... that's why you got the job. I know how you feel, but don't give up! They will teach you a lot of useful things and I'm sure you will teach them a lot of useful stuff too!

Elizabeth said...

I do know that I'm qualified, it's more just like "wow there are a lot of responsibilities that go along with this position."

But I will soon be moving to Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm still at my parents house attempting to sift through a lifetime of random crap I've accumulated.