I am currently in the midst of a great existential crisis.
For the record, my life is amazing. I have signed and returned my contract, meaning that I am officially the Government Documents Librarian at Grand Valley State University. It is about as close to my dream job as I could ever imagine getting right out of school and on top of it, the position is tenure track faculty. Wow. Also, I currently have a relocation professional finding me an apartment in Grand Rapids. Did I mention that this relocation service is being paid for by my institution? Life is amazing!
But back to my crisis. How, you might be asking yourself, can she be having an existential crisis when everything is going so well? Her life is awesome! And you know what - you would be right. Life is excellent. But could it be too good?
There was just a post on one of my higher-ed blogs (I don't know which one or I would link) about feeling like an impostor. And I realized - that is exactly my problem. I feel like at any moment someone somewhere will realize that I was never meant to be in this position, I'm not qualified for this job! I'm not even qualified for my diplomas!
For the record, I do know that I am qualified. I know that I will thrive in this environment with these people. But it doesn't change the fact that somehow I am turning into a real life grownup with responsibilities, a car payment, and an actual date for my tenure decision. (You have no idea how scary it was to read that part...even if it is 7 years away, it's still terrifying.)
It's like this xkcd cartoon. Except instead of batman, it's something else. Case in point - the title to this post is a reference to High School Musical...and I didn't even do it on purpose.